So there are multiple reasons why I am looking to start a blog. Firstly, it allows me to hold myself accountable for everything I do, or say I will do... (Lets face it, we all procrastinate). Secondly, its to meet like minded people who are struggling on any level to see if I can perhaps help out at all.
I won't be making any money from this as I am here purely for my own education also. I just want to speak to people, and even maybe fix my own damaged self also.
Anyway, A little about myself so that maybe you can start to understand my 'issues' I speak of;
I was born in South East England, and have remained here ever since. Although moving to a whole list of different houses with my family, we still have remained here in sunny Southern England. I went to a very normal primary school, also a very average secondary school. Nothing stands out as strange, it was all just very... normal.
Got to college and studied sports science (BTEC), as I throughout all of my school days excelled in sports, making every team I tried out for. Partaking in rugby, football and running outside of educational hours also.
During college I had managed to break my femur (Hardest bone in the body my arse.) which put a massive dampener on sports for me, I had always wanted to become a sports teacher however once this happened it sort of put into perspective for me where I was going in life. (You will see that I allow my broken leg to affect nearly ALL of my actions in life.) ALSO, I see what teenagers are like now, which lets be honest... who would want to teach them.
By this point I had been with a girlfriend for 6 years. From what I knew we were doing great, until one day I am booted to the curb, and then find out 3 months later that she is pregnant with another mans baby... (She did the dirty) this affected me massively at the time. To be honest I don't know if I ever fully recovered from it. To trust someone, so much. To think that they are fully invested into you and then for them to just end it and move on very quickly. Its tough, you know?
Moving forward, Since college I had floated between jobs, Many... Many jobs. All of which I was promised potential of progression, and never got it. Maybe it was me, Maybe it was them. Who knows. During this period I met my now fiancé Sophie. We have had many ups and downs, but the Ups far out weigh the downs and that's enough for me to want to stick at it and keep being together. We have had a little boy together, Harrison. Who is literally the best thing to ever happen to me. (Cliché I know.) But once you become a father, you want to better yourself to no end.
At least that was the philosophy I wanted to believe.
The depth of my depression, lingering from previous experiences had all built up. During the sleepless nights of having a baby crying there was one particular night that I had to say to Sophie;
'You need to look after Harry, I am not in a good place.'
I broke down into tears, and felt like topping myself there and then. This was the real start of the battle for me. The next day I instantly called the doctors, Got an appointment and was prescribed 'citalopram' an antidepressant.
These worked for about 4 months, then the dark days returned...
Skip forward 2 years and 4 different types of anti depressants later, and I have been now changed from SSRI anti depressants to SNRI anti depressants.
I am now in a very stable job, my relationship is strong, my finances are not where I want them to be but We will get there, The main thing for me is, I am here, writing, wanting to help people who have struggled, are struggling or even just want someone to talk to.
I want to be that person that helps.
Don't get me wrong, I am NOT a finished product.
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